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| Right: Grandma Margot Middle: Me Left: Grandma B |
Last year when she passed away, we did not have an official funeral, so the best way i was able to work through my emotions was to write about her and all of the things I loved about her, below is just a brief snippet from my raw emotions a year ago. Today, although I'm sad she is not here, my heart is uplifting knowing she was a wonderful grandma to me and we shared so many special moments together.
This February, and Februay's of the past have been a month of love, but also for myself and for many of my friends and family members a month of sadness, loss and illness. My grandfather recently was in the hospital for a week, happily he successfully made it home yesterday. I know it has been a tough few weeks for him and my Grandma B and our family. Especially as I live so far away, it's been a test of showing that you love someone and care and yet can't hold their hand. Intense emotions!
My heart goes out to anyone who has a friend or family member whom you recently lost or continue to hold in your heart. I hope that you are able to begin to celebrate the life you shared with them and in your own special ways honor them.
Thoughts from one year ago:
" So, as I look around my home….I think what makes a place home: family, love, memories, traditions, warmth…even though I am miles away from family now and from where my grandmother passed away….I see her everywhere in my home. I wanted to make a little tribute to all of the wonderful gifts she gave me along the way that spoke to her and that I will forever cherish. What is amazing…is how much more valuable these items are now, knowing they are the last piece of her love she will share with me.
Also, I wanted to write down everything I could remember about her…so here goes, this may be a bit jumbled up and maybe even a little corny…but I know my own memory and it will fail in time, and I do not want to forget:
· Red curly hair
· Big Yellow Van - every time I see a moving truck that is yellow, I will always think of her
· Birkenstocks – her favorite shoe brand
· Strawberries – When she knew I was coming over in the summer, she would always buy strawberries for us to nibble on together
· One of her favorite sayings: “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it”
· Chili Pot experience – YIKES…that’s a story, I’m lucky I don’t have any scars
· Wrapping up tables of glassware, and packing the van – she always said I was her ‘little boss’
· Cigarettes burning in many rooms because she forgot she had already started one in another room
· Not sure what year exactly, but I must have been around 15years old, She went into the hospital for removal of a ‘tumor’, which at the time it was unknown if it was cancerous or not. She promised that if she woke up from surgery and everything was ok, she’d quit smoking. She did cold turkey. I was so proud of her for that, at least I had 15 years of a smoke free grandma…it’s unfortunate that lung cancer had to take her away still – but I think she smoked for 30 years – that’s what will happen (it is what it is)
· The 2nd kitchen drawer down in Hammond, In, that always had chocolate snacks waiting for me sneak! (I’m sure she knew I was sneaking them though)
· LAMPS!!!! There were definitely hundreds of lamps that I was ‘forced’ to paint…but I must admit at $3 a lamp…I made pretty good money for a teenager.
· Shipshewana, Sandwich, St. John, Alsip, I-80 flea markets and Antique Shows
· The urge to want to stop at every yard sale that I drive by
· ‘Whatyousay’ – Yes that is all one word, she had a hard time hearing for OH..a long time, at least 10 years….and when she couldn’t hear you, she would say ‘Whatyousay’?
· Grandma always found her way, she was an independent woman, with a BIT of German stubbornness who did what she wanted, when she wanted and always had a purpose in her agenda (even though, sometimes it didn’t always make the most ‘logical’ sense to me).
· Her German Potato Salad …yes, I was lucky enough to get the recipe
· Her love for Christmas – She always had the most beautiful tree, there was always something unique about it (the ornaments or the lights or the tree itself)
· She was always running late (I suppose that is hereditary) J
· Her spunky personality, she was not the type of grandma to bake cookies…I don’t think I ever saw her do that actually, but she would definitely swear at someone if they doing something wrong and she would protect her family by all means necessary
· I’d love to be able to find a comparable word for Spanglish, but with German and English
· Schweinerei…a german pig game we would play when it was slow with customers
· Old maid – playing old maid late at night in Sandwich her antique-buddies and a little glass of wine
· Stories about how I slept underneath the tables at her ‘shows’ when I was little (3yrs-ish)
· Her smile and her love"
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